Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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