how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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