Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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