Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
