yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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