I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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