Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.