so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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