WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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