i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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