walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.