So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.