You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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