I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
