it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
