Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
