My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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