i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
