you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle