Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.