He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment