Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.