lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
After tacos, we're chasing women.