Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family