I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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