a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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