My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
