i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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