ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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