were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
