You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize