i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
