yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
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today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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