she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
as a side note pls kill me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
