i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
