You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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