I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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