i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
