Please, let me fuck your mom
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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