so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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