I puked a lego.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.