I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?