herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
