I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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