8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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