2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize