For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
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This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I came so hard my ears popped.
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