She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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