Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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