I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
