It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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