I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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