you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
