I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
