isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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