fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize