you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
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I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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